At first, you just want to enjoy the ride and see how things go. You’ve had your share of good and bad dates, and you just had enough. Now, after searching high and low, you feel like you have found “the one.” The only problem is, you’re not sure about his feelings for you.
You have dated this guy for a few months, and you see each other a couple of nights a week, but he’s not considering you his girlfriend. Both of you agreed that there will be no expectations, and you’re both free to date other people. There has never been that “talk” where you both express what you feel for each other and define your relationship. You’re not exclusively dating, but you personally don’t want to date anyone else.
Plus—and this is the biggest, scariest, and most important part of all—you’re falling for him!
So how do you let him know that you’re playing for keeps? How do you prove to your guy that you are not just a friend with benefits, but the girlfriend for the long haul? It can be quite a gamble, but by being yourself and having the confidence to know what you want, you may actually give your fling a nudge to a “happily ever after.” So follow the advice below, and start getting serious.
#1 Keep in touch. Find time to call or text even just to say “hi,” or thank him for the mind-blowing $ex you had last night. Drop some n*ughty words to $ex it up a little to diffuse the freaky, clingy factor that can instantly turn most guys off.
Asking him about his day lets him know that you thought about him and that you are interested in how he is, even if you’re not together. Just be careful to not be too chummy, especially early in the relationship because the last thing you want is to force it.
#2 Ask for advice. Men have an innate need to rescue the damsel in distress, and asking for help from him from time to time feeds that need. So whether it is as simple as asking him if you should buy new rims for your car or getting his opinion about career decisions, asking him for advice will take your relationship deeper than just the physical.
This shows that what he thinks matters to you and that you respect his opinions. This also hints that he has a place in your life, and not just in your bedroom.
#3 Touch and cuddle. When you are just in the throes of a $exual relationship, you may not touch him or let yourself be touched outside the bedroom. This time, take this physical relationship a tad deeper by touching and cuddling—of course, in a subtle way.
When you see him, make that peck in the cheek last a few seconds longer, hold his arms or squeeze his hand when he cracks a joke, make that embrace linger just a little, and just take every chance to touch him. Make it a point to encourage some cuddling, so that he knows that you’re not just in the bedroom for fun and games.
#4 Ask him about his day. Another subtle sign to let him know you care is by asking him how he is or how his day at the office went. Listen and be genuinely interested. If he’s had a bad day, try to reassure him or cheer him on, if not with some amazing $ex then with tickets to his favorite ball game.
By being supportive, you’re subtly showing him that you are in fact worth keeping. If you can be a friend to him even without the fringe benefits, the transition to being a girlfriend will go more smoothly.
#5 Bring out the fun and the easygoing you. Don’t be afraid to be silly. Better yet, don’t be afraid to be yourself. Make some room for laughter in your rather vague *for now* relationship. Exude confidence, and show that you are comfortable enough to give him insight into who you really are as a person. Besides, every guy loves a girl who makes him laugh and makes him feel special.
Being goofy around each other is a good step towards a more honest and much deeper relationship. Nevertheless, make the effort to look your best and be your best. After all, if you just make him laugh without making him hot for you, you might end up being left in the friend zone.
#6 Mark your territory. Leave some toiletries and other small belongings in his apartment. This is not only convenient for you in the long run, it also gives him a subtle reminder of you around his place. Do the same thing to your own place, where you can leave some space in your closet for his own stuff.
This is a way of showing him that you are part of his life and that he is part of yours too. Little by little, this cements a long-term VIP status by occupying a very important and private space in his life—his place—and later on, his heart.
#7 Get to know his friends. For some men, the best way to their heart is through their friends. Show that you can play it cool and that you can handle hanging out with his crew without losing your feminine side. By spending time with him and his friends, you learn a lot more about your guy while proving to him that you can handle yourself around all that testosterone.
This also communicates to him that you are independent enough to handle yourself around unfamiliar people and make everyone have a great time. Who knows—if you pull this off, his friends may be talking about you for weeks and even root for you.
#8 Play hard to get. Now that you know you want to be serious, make him play the part too. Don’t be available at his convenience, and don’t let him take you for granted. You have to make him work for it and respect you as a woman and as an individual before you decide to turn the relationship into something more.
Let him know that you are interested in more than just a booty call. Prove that putting the two of you together in one room doesn’t necessarily have to end up in $ex *although you absolutely don’t mind a happy ending either*. More importantly, don’t fall into his mind games and put him in his place when he is slipping into his “you’re just a fling” behavior.
#9 Don’t hook up with other guys. If you are seeing other guys and you have decided on that one guy you want to be in a serious relationship with, make a clean break from the rest of the pack by letting them know that you are no longer available.
“I am seeing someone else, and I am serious about this guy,” may be one way of putting it, so you tie all loose ends before even remotely thinking about the possibility of tying the knot with your special someone.
#10 Come on, tell him. If he can’t muster the words, maybe it’s time for you to say them first. Say, “I love you,” and it may just be worth it. Nothing beats the direct, fuss-free approach, and at this point, it may just be the push he needs. Be honest with him, and tell him you want to take your relationship to the next level.
If you’re bold and you don’t want to beat around the bush, you can tell him, “I think we should move on and stop seeing each other. You’re great, but I’m now looking for something more serious.” If he’s not on the same page as you, then you’re clearly not meant to be together. Pushing things further after this will just leave you in a one-sided relationship that does absolutely nothing for both parties.
You’re both comfortable in a no-strings-attached kind of relationship, and a serious leap forward may just be too much to bear, even if you’re ready. But if you take these small steps to show him that you are worth keeping—and for a long time—then he may have just found himself the girlfriend he didn’t know he’s been looking for all along.
By Tiffany Reyes
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